Death and Public Speaking

 

 

It is often acknowledged that the two things people are most afraid of are death and public speaking. 

Most people can acknowledge that these are variations on Fear – of the unknown and being vulnerable.  Preston Ni has an interesting perspective, suggesting that these two fears are related by the fact that the fear of public speaking is the fear of emotional death!

 

 

Although it might not be so extreme, at House of Colour we’ve experienced people feeling intimidated by the thought of meeting an Image Consultant; they suddenly become self-conscious about their appearance, invest additional energy (compared to their normal levels) in thinking about what they’re wearing and apologise for various elements of their attire which they don’t have complete confidence in.  Otherwise confident people are reduced to varying degrees of nervousness. 

At the very least, this is something that needs to be acknowledged at the meeting introductions, and then put to one side, so that we can get on with the business of the meeting.  But what would it be like if you could remove most of the fear, releasing the energy for more productive use?

At our annual conference last year, we heard Mo Harford speaking about how our brains and thinking get in the way of our performance and producing great results.  In effect it is often only our beliefs which support (positive) or hinder (negative) us in our performance.

 

 

By focusing on getting your look ‘right’, i.e. one that you are comfortable in, comfortable with and that makes you look your best, you’re able to confidently step out and take care of the primary business at hand.  In the case of a ‘business’ person, this is getting on with their ‘business’!  

 

Special events can typically take a lot of our energy and attention when looking for the right outfit - often costing a lot of money - but it doesn’t have to.  For women, the problem often stems from a lack of confidence in coordinating items, so the safe option is to invest in a complete outfit which is clearly designed to coordinate and look good.  The problem with this approach is that you may have invested over £500 (clothing, accessories, shoes and in some cases underwear) and ended up with 1 outfit, rather than spending £500 on several items that can be used and adapted to create many more outfits in combination with clothing in your existing wardrobe.   Return on investment is about your cost-per-wear, shifting the focus to cost-per-outfit, an item of clothing or an accessory reveals itself as a good investment or not.

We need to know we look right, we have phrases such as ‘I need to put my face on’, ‘I’m having a bad hair day’, ‘I can’t go out without my lipstick/perfume/necklace (delete as appropriate)’.  All these statements point towards our need to ensure we ‘look the part’.  I particularly enjoyed reading this article on clothing related expressions!

 

Why are they fears? Because we all have a fundamental concern about what people think of us. This blog by Michael Hyatt gets succinctly to the point – take the focus off yourself!  Ironically, by focusing on yourself and your image, this is exactly what we are aiming for - get your physical presentation to such a level that you are able to take the attention off yourself and focus on the job in hand.

Maybe a business friend of mine who is considering a career transition from Business Consultant and Professional Speaker to Undertaker has the ideal solution to help you through your fears!

The Dress Code Minefield

Everyone now and then there’s a serious side to everything – from a work perspective dress code can be a minefield.

My young son is currently fascinated by the World Wars, so when he wanted to bring home D-Day, My Story, which his teachers felt a little advanced for him, we agreed that we would discuss anything that is new or unclear to him - finishing the book might take a while but we’ve had some amazing conversations. 

One such conversation explored what a minefield is.  Working through this, the 7 year old explanation is relatively simple – an explosive that is generally unseen and triggered by ‘you’ in some way, unintentionally and often with no warning, causing significant damage beyond your control.

Mapping this onto your work wear, the term ‘minefield’ is an interesting metaphor.  The point being that while we are all free to choose what to wear, there are sometimes dress codes or expectations of what is acceptable and appropriate which, if we get it wrong, could at best hinder progress or at worst damage your reputation, unknowingly and almost certainly unintentionally, without warning and seemingly beyond your control.

I’ve met many clients who enjoy the act of rebellion and breaking the rules.   To really enjoy this, you need to break the rules ‘knowingly’, which requires an understanding of what the rules are, why they exist and what they are intended to provide.   In other words, to elicit a desired response from your audience, consciously making a choice about your clothing would be the smart choice! 





Understanding what works for you, (your colouring, shape, budget and lifestyle), dovetailing this with a knowledge of the language of clothes and identifying ways to add or remove authority in your outfit to bring clarity is all provided in your Personal Style Class – it’s a way of ‘minesweeping’ your appearance and personal brand to clear a path for safe progress.

A business relies on its personnel to deliver the ‘brand’; its people need to accurately reflect the product, service, company and market while showing themselves to be individuals.   In a less formal, multi-cultural society, where you’re aiming for freedom of expression whilst reinforcing your brand, it is critical to achieve a dress code that works for everyone, which can be a legal minefield.  With people exercising their right to express themselves more freely at all times, how do employers define clearly what is fair, reasonable and acceptable?  Employers have considerable latitude on what is acceptable but they must ensure that they don’t fall foul of anti-discrimination legislation.

 Next week, we have a guest blog from Kate Russell, (BA Barrister, MA) of Russell HR Consulting, who provides some clear guidance on what to consider in the workplace.

Justice is Aspirational: Judgement is Inevitable

On passing my local court quite early in the morning, two young men were standing at the entrance obviously waiting for the doors to open so that they could go in.

One was dressed in a dark, pin-striped suit.  In one hand he carried a briefcase, the other held a mobile phone to his ear, his shoulders were back and he was obviously paying attention to whoever he was talking to on the other end of the phone call.

His companion was dressed in jogging bottoms and a grey hoodie. He was hunched over his cigarette, looking totally disengaged from everything and everyone around him.

We might think we don't judge, or even try not to pre-judge on appearance but it was impossible not to make the assumption that here was the defendant and his legal representative. 

We all make instantaneous judgements, often on only a few seconds of visual input. The more we are aware of this the more we can be in control of the judgements people might make about us.   We know this!

However, appearance isn't the whole picture.  Amy Cuddy gives a Ted Talk illustrating how body language shapes who you are and how you can change it to cause a different outcome.

 

Awareness is the first step in being able to change and influence anything.  Being aware of who you want to be, gives a starting point for addressing all aspects of your appearance in support of this goal.

"Progress is impossible without change."   George Bernard Shaw

And practice makes perfect; Objectively reviewing any changes you make will give you the ability to know whether you're making a change in the direction you want to, or not.

Good luck!

Making the Most of Yourself and Your Business

There is one main (personal) reason for writing this blog - I have always been passionate about helping people to make the most of themselves.  Whether it’s job prospects, securing the home you want for the right price, careers advice, how to get out of a ‘hole’ you might be stuck in – I’ve realised over time that my skill set has developed and is consistently delivered around a central theme of ‘making the most of your assets’.

The internet, an infinite resource, has so many tips and tricks about how to make the most of your assets, whether it’s your body, your health or your business prospects.  You don’t need to hang around long before a plethora of advice and opinions will cross your e-path.  It’s fascinating and very easy to learn bits and pieces that add and enhance your skill set and knowledge base (beware – it’s a time bandit if you don’t keep focused!).  Every now and then, it’s not so much advice as a clear example of why something is possibly more important than previously thought.

‘The Tale of Two Tailors’ is a perfect example of why you need to make the most of yourself, showing yourself and your business in its best light and how the invisible cost could be the tip of the iceberg of not doing so. 

The management guru Tom Peters sums it up nicely in this quote:

‘It’s a brand new world ….Regardless of age, regardless of position, regardless of the business we happen to be in, all of us need to understand the importance of branding. We are CEOs of our own companies: Me Inc. To be in business today, our most important job is to be head marketer for the brand called You’.                                                 

A few years ago, I was involved in a charity event where I took 3 local professionals through a House of Colour business ‘make-over’.  The DJ, The Chief Exec and the DJ were asked to turn up wearing a ‘typical work day outfit’ - their images speak for themselves!

(© stevewilliams_photo@btinternet.com)

This kind of transformation is typical of what you can achieve when you participate in the Business and Personal Brand sessions available at HOC in Business.

It’s clear that making the best of ourselves is beneficial both to our inner confidence as well as promoting confidence IN us from outside sources.  Make the best of yourself, enhance your assets and count the benefits that you receive, you may have more to do with attracting it than you realise!

 

Going Grey: A refreshing approach

Our colouring is rooted in our genetics therefore any changes in our skin or hair colour are linked to our own unique colouring.    As our hair turns grey, it will turn a shade that works with our skin tone.  Take a look at the shades Chris Evans has moved through and you can see consistent warm colouring.

 

Stylist magazine goes into the reasons, scientific and psychological, behind going grey.  However, when the odd grey strand turns into a block, are you more in the ‘I’m not quite ready to go grey yet’ school or the ‘I’ve earned every one of these and I’m proud of them’!  (Yes, they exist, people who are frustrated by their distinct lack of grey hair!)

My belief is that we’re best when we make the most of our natural selves and I’ve always encouraged people to work with their natural hair colour.  We need to soften our look as we get older, putting less ‘authority’ statements in because grey hair does carry authority.  As well as having practical savings in time and money, it can look fantastic.

But, I have neither the inclination nor motivation to commit to spending copious amounts of time or money at the hairdressers in a 12 month period:

 

Entrance stage left, my hairdressers El Esha, they have found an Italian brand product, Sens.us,  which is a professional range of toners and shaders that serve several purposes, depending on what you’re trying to achieve:

  

• Distort the white i.e. tone down the grey!
• Revive colours i.e. making your colours last longer between visits
• Freshen natural hair colour i.e. enhance your natural highlights whether they are blonde or silver!
• Neutralise unwanted tones on streaked hair 

This was the advice from, El Esha:

• Silver – great for bleached hair, to brighten white or to knock out warm tones, especially the yellowing that heavy smokers experience - I would imagine Winters loving this!
• Beige – for someone who wants less white, taking it to a light blonde (similar to Chris Evans’ colour above!)  This sounds as though it would be good for Springs.
• Gold – for keeping golden highlights fresh, it can add a gold tinge to medium brown hair.  Sounds like Autumns and Springs to me!
• Copper – to brighten naturally auburn hair, old highlights or tone red down to copper.  Autumns and some Springs.
• Red – can be used on any red but is primarily to keep your fashion red topped up.  Winters and Autumns are probably most likely to use this but if you’re daring enough to go for Red, this is for you!
• Brown – for those not quite ready, this naturally distorts the white, including re-growth, between colour visits. This is ideal for Winters and Summers, Autumns and darker Springs could also find it useful.

Brown, Red and Copper are shaders, as deeper colours they need to be left on for longer while the Silver, Beige and Gold are toners that need no more than 5 minutes. 

El Esha don’t currently have a web shop but are happy to take phone orders and offer advice on 01733 310879.

Remember, it’s not what you’ve got but what you do with it that makes the difference, never more true than with our hair. I might not be ready to embrace my grey yet but I certainly want my hair to continue looking as natural as possible while remaining ‘low maintenance’!

The Art of Communication

The G8 summit - a gathering of the most powerful people in the world.  Interestingly, whilst holding a position of authority, they also need to be able to communicate to people at all levels and to all cultures… at all times. 

 
Thanks to the power of the media, their most reliable form of communication is often visual.  Their words can be misquoted, misinterpreted or taken out of context but their clothing is, within reason, as they put it on that morning! 

So how interesting to see a whole article dedicated to the fact that all the men turned out tie-less for their photo call 

Am I old fashioned?  If I’m putting my trust in a leader, regardless of my personal or political opinions, ultimately I need to know that I can trust them; they demonstrate this by presenting a consistent appearance, whether formal or casual, a consistent level of quality, thought, attention to detail and style that tells me ‘they know what they’re talking about’….. If we perceive that someone knows what they are talking about in one area it is often assumed that this applies to many other areas as well.

George Osborne is quoted as responding to the request to ‘turn up in smart-casual wear’ as, “I have followed it to the letter: I got out my jacket and my blue shirt”!  Looking to the dictionary we have:

      Smart – fashionable, elegant, canny and shrewd in dealings with others

      Casual – occurring by chance, occasional, unpremeditated, relaxed, informal

 

So smart-casual is almost an oxymoron.  In simple terms, it’s absolutely possible to be smart and casual, but there is nothing unpremeditated about the way these leaders chose what to wear and how can something ‘occurring by chance and occasional’ also cover ‘fashionable and elegant’? 

Frequently people lose the ‘smart’ when they apply the casual, others keep the ‘smart’ but struggle to make it ‘casual’ – maybe fearing they’ll look like they’re there by chance and are not the world class leader on the global stage?

Removing some of the ‘armour’ is a great way to demonstrate to each other and the world that they are ‘open’ – a good premise for a summit meeting.  Maybe the formality we are familiar with and have come to expect (why else would going tie-less raise an eyebrow?) communicates immovable, entrenched thinking.  Relaxing the dress code communicates a friendly, relaxed get-together where they are open to finding compromises and solutions that work for everyone rather than a ‘bunch of businessmen on a jolly’?

Which is it for you?  And therein lies the problem, we each have our own interpretations, their visual communication needs to translate across borders and cultures to everyone…. Consistently!